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Beware those Knitting Gods

October 2, 2012

Like the ancient gods of the Greeks and Romans, the knitting gods can be benevolent or they can be vengeful. They are tricky, these Knitting Gods. They can make you feel like the smartest person in the world one minute and cut you off at the knees the next. The Knitting Gods have been toying with me this week.

The God of Yarn knows that I am on a yarn diet. She know that I am desperately trying to be a good girl and prove to my husband that I can abstain from purchasing yarn for three measly months. Why make that easy? Oh no, not this God. She knows that my yarn diet coinsides with the precise time that one of my all time favorite yarn companies releases 34 new colorways. 34!!!! Oh Three Irish Girls, how you tempt me. If that wasn’t enough, she ups the ante by having the colorways available at some of my local yarn shops AND offering coupons for online ordering of these new colorways. Oh Yarn God, I am stronger than you! I will resist (as I empty out my online shopping cart and close the internet browser.)

Not wanting to miss out on the fun, the Pattern God has gotten in on the action too. I picked the easiest of patterns for a pair of socks, just two simple twisted stitch patterns down each side with stockinette in between. That first sock flew off the needles and was finished in no time. Seeing how cocky I was with my progress, Pattern God jumped in as I started that second sock. Twice it has been ripped out and restarted. Twice I have missed a row, or three, and not caught it for another few inches. Twice I have attempted to rip back that sock and failed to get all of the stitches back on the needles. What should have been finished last week is only 1/3 of a sock. Oh Pattern God, be gentle, I beg you. Please let me finish this sock before November. I promise I will slow down and read the pattern. I promise to use my post it notes and mark the row I am on.

While Yarn God and Pattern God are enough for any mere mortal to deal with, they weren’t the only ones messing with me. Oh no. I got hit with the big guns. The God of Gauge, working in concert with that little imp, the Superwash Troll. I changed gears last week and decided I needed to work on some colorwork projects. Since I am relegated to stash yarn, and since my stash contains a copious amount of single skeins, what better way to use them up than with a stranded colorwork project?

Gauge God lead me on a merry path. I was confident in my stranding. I steam blocked it as I went and felt that I was knitting the correct size. Gauge God whispered in my ear that it was going to fit the recipient (a young girl) perfectly. Gauge God let me finish that entire hat and then, THEN he told me I should give that hat a proper blocking. Well of course I should! I plunked it in a nice warm bath and left the room for a moment. A moment was all it took for the Superwash Troll to have his fun. Oh how that hat grew. And grew. Oh how the yarn relaxed into the loose knitting that I had bestowed on it. I tried desperately to rescue it. I threw it in the dryer only to hear Superwash Troll chortle from the corner of the room. “Its superwash you idiot! It’s not going to shrink! Ha ha ha!”

Andre the Giant would look fabulous in this hat.

What’s worse, when I went to frog it, those nasty Gods tangled my yarn!

Oh Knitting Gods, I apologize. I would like to atone for whatever sins I have perpetrated against you. I will slow down. I will stop casting on for new projects before I have finished the old projects. I will finish all of those WIPs languishing in the baskets. I will clean up my stash and put away all of the needles and notions scattered around my house. I will make sure I have picked up all of the blocking pins from the floor before someone else steps on one. I will stop insulting acrylic. I will swatch for every project, even it if it just a hat. I will not let the cat get too up close and personal with any more balls of precious yarn.

I will do it all, I promise. Please, please don’t demand that I sacrifice some of my precious cashmere or silk. Please, I beg you.

While you think it over, I will be on the couch sharing some quality time with my new favorite god, Bacchus. How much trouble can I get into hanging out with him?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 3, 2012 9:07 am

    Had I known that that the God of Stinginess and Discipline was trying to get his hands on you due to an effort to maintain marital blilss, I would have wacked your sweet husband when I saw him this week in San Antonio and told him that, a woman with new yarn just purchased, is a happy woman, a loving wife, and to deprive her of her needs in this way is cruelty. Surely there must be somewhere else to trim the budget – I keep looking. Dinner every other night?

    • October 3, 2012 9:25 am

      Whack away! Last week was a double whammy, no new yarn AND I got left at home! It was almost too much to take. I think that sweet husband of mine needs to come back down to GA for another speech, say in April, 2013? Around the time of Stitches South?

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