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Where did my MoJo go?

May 11, 2012

It’s been a while. I’m sorry about that. It’s not that I haven’t had a lot to tell you all either. I’ve traveled. I’ve got a new toy to play with that I still have to show you. I’ve made some new wonderfully soft, springy yarns. But this last week, this week I haven’t been able to get anything to go my way.

My spinning, which had been some of the best I had ever done, suddenly broke every few meters and I couldn’t regulate the speed any more. My knitting, even something as simple as a basic, top down, stockinette sock, which I have done a dozen times, suddenly became fraught with holes, dropped stitches and mistakes. As I sit here, exhausted and dejected about why things aren’t going my way, it suddenly dawned on me how much of our crafting is rooted in our heart and our souls.

This past week has not been the greatest of weeks for me. People who I once would have trusted as my friends have suddenly turned out to be anything but that. Goals set weren’t met and I had to follow through with dispensing the consequences, the joy of my recent trip to Arizona was quickly diminished by hours spent in airports and on airplanes. All in all, I let things get my head and my heart down.

When you let things get you down, when you let the weight of the world slump your shoulders, it has an effect. Not only are you crabby, not only are you tired, not only do you have no appetite and can’t sleep, but things that were once routine and easy suddenly become anything but. My hands seem to express my moods more emphatically than I ever thought possible. The stitches in my knitting were completely uneven, alternating between insanely tight to almost falling off the needle, all on the same row. Spinning didn’t work because I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t get the thoughts of the week out of my head and the hurt and heartbreak showed up so intently in my crafting.

Now that I recognize what is going on, now that I know what is wrong with me, I can do something about it. I can take my dog for a long walk to clear my head, I can get pizza for dinner so I don’t have to worry about what I am going to cook or do dishes, I can find a comfortable place on the couch, a good movie on the t.v. and I can start something simple and familiar.

A simple garter stitch shawl. The same stitch, over and over, back and forth over hundreds of rows. Simple, calming, and cathartic. Just the thing to shake the funk I am in and get me back to who I want to be.

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